From the day I got my computer I started with online journals. Forced2love, _moo, childish, poisonlove, _outlined, and now xdreamer. Its just getting old. I guess its because I know I have no privacy of my own with my mother around, but is this really privacy? Not only people you know, but people you don't know anything about coming and reading about you. Its time to grow up Heather. One day you'll thank youself.

Adios.

playing: Dave Matthews Band-If I had it all

I really dont think this is the song thats suppose to be playing.. but oh well. I got my shoes today for prom. I feel like some hoe when I put them on because I never where heels. I made my appointment for my hair too. 8 in the morning next friday. Too early! Jenna still hasnt gotten her dress yet. Something tells me that she just doesnt want to go. If she doesnt she should just tell me. I just have a feeling that I'm going to prom alone, and then coming home alone to do nothing but sit here and rant about how great it was and how sucky my night will end. Got work tomorrow in hell. Hooray. ;/

playing: Nirvana-Rape Me

I left school on Wednesday thinking that I was going to have the greatest weekend ahead of me, but Heather always seems to think wrong when it comes to thinking positive things....

Wednesday night Jenna, Lou, and I went over to Erics. I started drinking, and one beer turned into... I don't remember, so anyway, my mother calls me, and I tell her that me and Jenna are at the movies and I'll call her when I get out. What does she do? She calls me 5 fuckin times. So at 11:30 I call her back and tell her that Jenna and I are at AppleBees. (When we were really up in Erics bathroom putting cold water on my face trying to get me to sobor up because I was suppose to be home that night at 1.) She tells me that she read my journal and that shes about to break my computer. WHAT? She didnt know, but how are you going to tell a drunk person that? So after it sunk in, I realized what was really going on. Then the tears came, and the last thing I wanted was to have everyone see my cry, so I just walked outside, and stood in the rain. It was pouring, and I didnt feel a thing. I was intoxicated and in so much pain at the same time, that I didnt know what to think. She told me not to come home, and I went home with Jenna.

Thursday I woke up at Jennas. We went to GSP to try and find Jenna a prom dress and there was no luck. (I don't think prom is going to go as expected.) I went into this water massager and I never laughed so much. It tickled me like c r a z y! So my mother calls me and tells me that not only did she read my journal, but she ripped it up too. How could she do this. I [of course] started crying in the mall. Shame. So she went out with Lou that night for a little bit and left me at her place. Vodka and oj sat in the fridge, so.. we all know what Heather did.... :)

Friday I woke up in Jennas living room again. I had work that day, so I did so. Eric picked me up afterwerds where I left him waiting an extra half hour in the parking lot, because I didnt think he was there yet. "MY BAD!" Went back to his house and stayed the night. I'd have to say though, I always thought that I would never EVER let a guy see me in the morning, but it wasnt that bad.

Saturday morning I checked my phone and there was 10 missed calls. 8 from my mother, one from some BLOCKED ID, and one from Jenna. I had to call my mother and tell her where I was. There was no lying about this one. Well, it didnt go well, she screamed at me, called me a whore, and said I have to get kicked out after graduation. NICE! Eric dropped me off at Laines around 2. Laine brought me to my house to get some more clothes, and then let me drive around Brookdale park, but it was so fuckin packed with something going on that I just drove and winded up on route 19, then parkway south. I got off in Cranford and drove back. Then I wanted to drive over to Erics, just for the hell of it, and for the fact that I wanted to prove to myself that I'm good with directions when it comes to memory. So I did, and I got there ok, but fucked up on a few streets. Laine and I stayed there for a little bit, where we sat in the front of his house and talked about the weirdest things. So I drive back, even though I should of let Laine, but I get super greedy when it comes to driving. We stopped in Little Falls to see Adam. Havent seen him in a while, but we just literally stopped in a parking lot for 10 minutes and left.

Sunday (today) I woke up at Laines and went to work. We did some stupid shit today, but it made me feel like a kid again.

Yet, I would have to say that I havent been this sad and stressed out in... a ... long time. I called Justin last night to see how he was doing, and I winded up secretly crying over the phone when I was telling him how I felt. I hate depending on people. I hate jumping to peoples houses, when I know I really dont have anywhere to go. and I hate when people see me cry or even hear it. I'm suppose to be the person who puts a smile on someones face, not the one sitting there with an attitude on mine. I didn't get much sleep in theses several days, and eating was a no. I can actually say that I'm losing my fupa. :) But whatever. I came home tonight, and an hour later or so, my mom came home. And she comes home drunk. Her words were.. "Heather, I'm not drunk. One beer gets me wasted and I only had 3." You do the math. I need my bed, and Toby.

Laine on the way there.




Me on the way there...



Then came the fun...

Me getting ready to kill someone...




Fernando waiting till I get back up so I can fall down again...



Me and Chris going at it...





Then him sitting on me... I swear I had him!